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Monday 11th October 2010
I accompany Susie on the train to Dawlish Warren, Devon. She wants to visit her family, who are holidaying . As we travel through the countryside, I feel so much better having got away from Minehead and all my problems.
While Susie is at Dawlish, I look around Exeter and the Cathedral. I feel a sense of peace and calm as I enter the church. Such beauty and grandeur. It is so beautiful.
As I walk into the cloisters, Max phones. He enquires angrily, "Do you know where Susie is? She won't answer her phone." I explain that she is visiting her family and probably has no signal at the site. He goes mad, swearing abusively. Apparently, she didn't tell him where she was going. He is very angry - a total control freak who wants to know her every movement. I hang up. I refuse to let him spoil my day.
I meet up with Susie to catch the train home. Max has been hounding her all day. She has to be pleasant when she talks to him, otherwise he will kick off, swearing and making threats. Susie is naturally frightened by Max's behaviour. She needs all the help she can get. I hope Victim Support can help her.
Jamie rings sounding upset. Max and Susie have been phoning her throughout the day. She is finding it all very stressful.
I honestly wonder how much more we can take. Jamie saw her doctor this morning; her health is deteriorating rapidly. She has just been diagnosed with probable arthritis in her swollen hands and feet. Her back is so painful that she can hardly walk and she has taken to using a walking stick. She is also waiting to see a specialist about her liver. At thirty-seven , she is young to have all these problems. I suppose her many years of drug use is now telling.
This evening, while I sit watching television, there is a knocking at my front door. I hold my breath... rather than open the door, I peep through the window. I can see Max swaying. He turns around, staring at me; he has obviously been drinking or doing drugs.
I shout to him, "You can't come in - go away." He looks at me with a sad blank expression. I feel awful turning him away but I have no choice if I am to keep my sanity.
Closing the curtains, I turn off the lights and go to bed. I feel exhausted. I wonder whether I shall ever have peace in my life? Is there no ending to this emotional roller coaster?
